A Few Old-Time Insults...

If you were on fire, I would not wet you with my damp underwrappings.

I quite like the modern version of this.

You hairy, pig-witted fox turd!

Well that's a picture, now isn't it?

May snakes crawl up your nostrils and feed on your tiny brain.

Nice, an insult and a curse, rolled into one.

You weasel-faced whoreson!

Wow, you call them ugly and insult their mother.

You know, I may use these occasionally. I doubt there are many who are quick enough to think up a comeback after these.

I've Got A Few More...

Here's some more toasts for you!

May we be alive at the same time next year!

Well I sincerely hope so...

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!

Can't argue with that logic.

Here's to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer - and another one!

All these are things to wish for.

Here's to you and here's to me;
May we never disagree.
But if we do,
Then fuck you
And here's to me!

Use these well! They are just too much fun not too!

Confused? I am

Here's to all those I love.
Here's to all those who love me.
And here's to all those that love those that I love,
And all those that love those that love me.

A Scottish toast that will leave your guest scratching their heads.

How Pessimism Reigns

Murphy was an optimist.

O'Toole's Commentary.
Sometimes, I feel as if this is true. Sad, no?

Irish Prayer

May those who love us love us,
and those who do not love us,
May God turn their hearts,
And if He cannot turn their hearts
May He turn their ankles
That we may know them by their limping.

I have to say I really enjoy this one. I mean, if you think about it, you wouldn't have to deal with the fake crap. Of course, if you didn't like someone, then you would be limping as well.